last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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