So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
