You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
