i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
