He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
