I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Let's get the cat blown out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
