I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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