Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
