NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
