He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
