by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
