Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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