I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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