The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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