3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
