i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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