singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize