you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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