Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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