Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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