The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
