Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
