ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
