so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
