Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
