it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
