my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The Olympian is in my bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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