I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You need a sexual gate keeper
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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