i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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