Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize