he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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