If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As shirtless as possible
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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