Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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