Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
