Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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