P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
