You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
