Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
