no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
soo... how was my night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
