actually, I'm a sock model
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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