eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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