I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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