There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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