someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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