How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
