He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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