I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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