dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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