Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
