im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
