I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
