this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
