I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
