my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
