did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
