how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your dad touched me again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
