yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
