Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
