eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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