i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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