I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
