I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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