just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
