in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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