There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
