No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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