Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He shit in the fireplace
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
