So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
