i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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