At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
