You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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