billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
