Four minutes until I can fart!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
