i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
