I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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