My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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