I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
