and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
