who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my being single is dangerous.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
