I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my liver is dry heaving
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
