i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
