I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
