does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
