so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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