do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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