dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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