May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
