Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
