so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
