I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
