i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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