You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
