since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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