i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
