i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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